Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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