I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
