i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
