hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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