Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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