Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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