Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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