He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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