Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
