Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
FUCK WHALES
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
