went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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