Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
