I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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