But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
