I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
