I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Text me some of your sweat
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