She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
