So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
