Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
