She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
