What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
