the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
