I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want nice things and good sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
