So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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