she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
