thus making me awesome and them whores
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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