We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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