After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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