You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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