my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she peed on how many people?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They took my balls.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
