Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
