he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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