i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
