totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
