Define "chronic" masturbator.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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