It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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