this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
