i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
