Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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