The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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