I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
