yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
