how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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