just tell him i said nine months
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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