I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
