Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
PANTIES FOUND
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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