its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
