I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
