he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
