Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
