Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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